Sensory Children Aren’t Overreacting — We’re Just Still Expecting Them to Cope

Sensory Children Aren’t Overreacting — We’re Just Still Expecting Them to Cope

We call it overreacting because it makes us uncomfortable.

The crying feels too loud.
The flapping feels too much.
The meltdown feels sudden, embarrassing, inconvenient.

So we reach for the easiest explanation:

“They’re overreacting.”

But what if they’re not?

What if what we’re seeing isn’t an overreaction at all — but a nervous system that’s already been pushed past its limit?



Overreacting Assumes Choice

And sensory overload removes it.

When we say a child is “overreacting,” we’re implying that they could respond differently if they tried harder.

That there was another option available.

For many sensory children, there isn’t.

Sensory overload isn’t a tantrum.
It isn’t defiance.
It isn’t attention-seeking.

It’s a physiological response — the body’s alarm system switching on when too much information hits at once.

Noise.
Light.
Crowds.
Smells.
Textures.
Transitions.

Individually, they might be manageable.
Stacked together over a day? They’re overwhelming.

By the time a child melts down, their nervous system isn’t choosing a response — it’s reacting to survive.

“Coping” Has Become an Unfair Expectation

We often say sensory children need to learn to cope.

But cope with what, exactly?

A world that’s loud, bright, fast, and rigid.
A world that rewards sitting still, staying quiet, and tolerating discomfort.
A world that rarely adapts — but constantly asks them to.

We praise children who mask their discomfort.
We label children who can’t as difficult.

But coping isn’t a skill you can force when the nervous system is already overloaded.
It’s something that develops only when a child feels safe, supported, and understood.

Expecting constant coping is not resilience.
It’s pressure.

Why Sensory Kids Often “Lose It” After Good Days

This is where parents get confused — and blamed.

“But they were fine all day!”

Exactly.

Many sensory children spend hours holding it together:

  • masking at school

  • tolerating uncomfortable environments

  • following rules that don’t fit their bodies

By the time they get home, their system is exhausted.

The meltdown isn’t random.
It’s delayed.

What looks like overreacting is often everything finally spilling out once they’re in a safe place.

The Problem Isn’t the Child — It’s the Environment

Sensory children aren’t failing to cope.

They’re being asked to function in spaces that weren’t designed with them in mind.

Instead of asking:

“Why can’t they handle this?”

We should be asking:

“What about this environment is making it so hard?”

Because when we change the environment — even slightly — behaviour often changes too.

Less noise.
Clearer expectations.
Predictable routines.
Visual support.
Permission to move, stim, or step away.

These aren’t indulgences.
They’re access needs.

What Actually Helps (Instead of “Coping Better”)

Sensory children don’t need tougher skins.
They need regulation before expectation.

What helps:

  • reducing sensory load where possible

  • preparing them for transitions

  • allowing movement and stimming

  • responding with calm, not correction

  • supporting the nervous system before behaviour escalates

When children feel regulated, they can access skills.
When they don’t, no amount of discipline or “coping strategies” will work.

So No — They’re Not Overreacting

They’re communicating the only way their body can in that moment.

And the sooner we stop mislabelling survival responses as behaviour problems, the sooner sensory children can stop carrying blame that was never theirs to begin with.

Sensory children don’t need to change who they are.
They need a world — and adults — willing to adapt.

Because inclusion isn’t about teaching kids to cope with discomfort.

It’s about removing unnecessary discomfort in the first place.


If you’re parenting a sensory child, you’re not imagining how hard this can be — and you’re not doing it wrong. Support, understanding, and the right tools make all the difference.


Check out our other posts: 


Signs your child is overstimulated & what to do in the moment


Why autistic kids struggle with transitions and what actually helps 


Why kids repeat words and phrases (Echolalia) A parent's guide

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