Autism & School: How to Speak Up When Your Child’s Needs Aren’t Met
There’s nothing quite like that sinking feeling when school calls you in for “a quick chat.” You sit down, heart racing, and within five minutes you realise… they don’t get it. They don’t get your child. They don’t get autism. And they definitely don’t get that “he’s fine in class” doesn’t mean he’s actually coping.
The amount of times I’ve walked out of those meetings feeling invisible. Like the teacher thought I was being dramatic, overprotective, or just plain stupid for asking for what my child needs. That horrible voice in my head whispering, “maybe I am just being difficult?”
But here’s the truth: you’re not. And neither am I.
The education system is outdated and it shows. Honestly? I’ve hated it at times for how rigid and box-ticking it feels. I’ve had those late-night moments, Googling “home schooling” with a cup of tea in hand, convinced it might be the only way my child would ever get what he needs.
If you’ve ever been there too — hi, you’re in the right place. Here’s how to find your voice (without losing your sanity) when school just isn’t listening.
🎒 Go In Prepared
Teachers are busy, meetings are short, and sometimes your child’s needs get lost in the noise. Take a short list of your child’s top 3 needs — e.g., sensory breaks, visual schedules, quiet space. Written down, simple, clear. That way, when the meeting gets off track, you can bring it right back.
🗣️ Be Clear and Specific
Instead of saying “He struggles with transitions,” try “He needs a 5-minute visual countdown before moving to the next activity.” Specific = harder to brush off.
Pro tip: use “he needs” instead of “he likes” or “it helps when.” It sounds more like a requirement, not a suggestion.
🔁 The Broken Record Technique
Sometimes you’ll say it once, and they’ll nod politely, then carry on as if you hadn’t spoken. This is when you channel your inner broken record. Calmly, kindly, firmly repeat:
“He needs sensory breaks.”
“He needs sensory breaks.”
Yes, you’ll feel annoying. No, you’re not. This is advocacy.
🧑🤝🧑 Find Allies in School
Not every teacher will get it — but usually, someone does. Maybe it’s the SENCO, maybe it’s the classroom assistant, maybe it’s the one who also has a neurodivergent kid at home. Build bridges with them — they can be your inside champion when things feel like a brick wall.
📝 Put It in Writing
If you feel like your words are floating into space, follow up with an email. Something short like:
“Thanks for today’s meeting. Just to confirm, [child’s name] needs X and Y to support him in class.”
Paper trail = accountability. Schools take written words more seriously than casual chats at the door.
⚖️ Know Your Rights (and Theirs)
Sensory breaks aren’t a “treat.” Reasonable adjustments aren’t optional. And you’re not asking for luxury spa treatments — you’re asking for your child to access education like every other kid. If you need backup, mention EHCPs, SEND Code of Practice, or just the phrase “reasonable adjustments.” It gets attention.
💜 Final Word
You are not being dramatic. You are not being “that parent.” You are the expert on your child, and your voice matters. Speaking up when school isn’t meeting your autistic child’s needs isn’t easy — but it’s necessary. And trust me, you’re not the only parent walking out of those meetings thinking, “Did they even hear me?”
You’ve got this. And if all else fails, there’s always biscuits in the car park afterwards.
👉 Related reads:
You are not being dramatic. You are not being “that parent.” You are the expert on your child, and your voice matters. Speaking up when school isn’t meeting your autistic child’s needs isn’t easy — but it’s necessary. And trust me, you’re not the only parent walking out of those meetings thinking, “Did they even hear me?”
You’ve got this. And if all else fails, there’s always biscuits in the car park afterwards.
👉 Related reads:
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