Early Signs of Autism in Girls (Why They’re Often Missed)

 When most people picture autism, the image that comes to mind is often based on boys. Research, diagnosis criteria, and media examples have historically focused on them — which means girls are often overlooked, misdiagnosed, or recognised much later.

But autism in girls can look very different. Many parents describe feeling like “something was off,” but when they raised concerns, they were reassured their daughter was just shy, sensitive, or quirky. If this sounds familiar, you’re not alone.
In this post, we’ll look at why autism in girls can be harder to spot and the early signs to look out for.




Why autism in girls looks different

Girls are often skilled at masking — hiding or copying behaviours to blend in socially. Instead of standing out, they may observe their peers and imitate what they see, giving the impression that everything is fine.

Their interests may also appear more “socially acceptable.” While a boy might be obsessed with trains or Lego, a girl may have an equally intense focus on animals, books, or a pop star. To others, it can look like a “normal hobby,” but the intensity and depth often set it apart.

Because of this, autism in girls can fly under the radar for years.

Early signs of autism in girls

Every child is unique, but here are some of the common early signs parents and teachers notice in girls:

1. Masking and copying friends

Your child may watch carefully and mimic speech, gestures, or play styles so she doesn’t stand out.

2. Intense but “socially acceptable” interests

Rather than trains or dinosaurs, it might be horses, reading, or a favourite celebrity — but with the same deep focus and passion.

3. Quietly anxious

Instead of external meltdowns, she may internalise stress, appearing shy or withdrawn while struggling inside.

4. Extreme shyness or politeness

Teachers often describe autistic girls as “angelic” or “well-behaved,” but this can hide significant effort to hold it together.

5. Friendship struggles

She may form very intense one-to-one friendships but struggle in groups, or friendships may burn out quickly.

6. Sensory sensitivities

Clothing textures, loud noises, or bright lights may overwhelm her, but this is often dismissed as being “fussy.”

7. Exhaustion after school

She may appear perfect at school but have meltdowns or shutdowns at home once the pressure of masking is gone.

Why these signs are often missed

  • Stereotypes: Autism is still wrongly assumed to “look” a certain way.

  • Gender expectations: Quiet, shy, polite girls are often seen as “easy” rather than struggling.

  • Masking skills: Girls are often better at hiding their difficulties, at least for a while.

  • Diagnostic gaps: Until recently, diagnostic criteria were based almost entirely on boys.

What to do if you notice signs

If you recognise these patterns in your daughter, trust your instincts. Parents are usually the first to see what others miss.

  • Keep a journal of behaviours at home and school.

  • Speak to her teachers and ask if they notice differences between settings.

  • Book an appointment with your GP and share your concerns clearly.

  • Look for local or online autism support groups — connecting with other parents can be a lifeline.

A diagnosis isn’t a label to fear. It’s a way to understand your child better and unlock the support she deserves.

Final thoughts

Autism in girls is often misunderstood, missed, or explained away as “quirks” or “shyness.” But spotting the signs early can make all the difference in getting the right support and helping your child thrive.

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You’re not alone on this journey 💜

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